I have no idea how to title today or what to even call this day, sure there are probablly lot's of nice politically correct or spiritual ways to name this day but nothing is resonating with me just right, and quite frankly the main thing going through my mind is that it has been 2 years today since my little world spun off it's axis. So for me it's a day to take time and remember Luke and to remember us. I had the best day today doing just that too. I spent most of the day with out my kids and went to a place out in the country where I could just sit and read and pray. I was a bit bummed that it is raining today but once I got out there and stood under a huge oak tree and looked up and saw all these rain drops falling down on me, it was just awesome, truely like tears falling down from heaven hitting my face. I found a nice tree house to spend the a few hours in, which had an open view of the forest and a tin roof.....ahhhhh....I have a thing about listening to raindrops falling on a tin roof. And then after sitting for awhile the rain let up a bit and I was able to walk for a bit through all the trees and along the creek....another favorite sound. I won't go into details because I want them to myself, but I will say that I felt I had an amazing day with God and Luke showed up for awhile too :)
I want to be able to write about where I'm at and answer the "how I am doing" question that I know so many people have.....so here goes.
This past year since I have moved has been exciting, scary, lonely, exhausting, and an incredible time of growth for me. I have felt like God is moving me in a direction that is healthy for both me and my kids. This isn't always an easy move, lots of growing pains are involved. Lots of self reflection. As strange as this sounds, I have had to get to know myself again. I'm not Angie and Luke anymore and even though he will always always be a part of my heart and our life, he's not here in the physical sense anymore and therefore I have had to accept that and start to see who I am ....(deep breath) with out him. I have also been able to have a more positive change of heart and outlook with Life in general here on earth, I now mostly look forward to each new day with my kids, where for awhile it was just another day to "get through". We still have a future here together and that finally is exciting to me to see how it all is going to play out, day by day.
I am thrilled to be doing photography again, getting out and taking pictures has been a great strength of developing something good in me...I have no idea what to call it, it just feels really good and really right. Kylie and Owen are amazing, they make me smile and laugh every day, I am so crazy blessed to have them in my life. Now don't get me wrong, I have hard days and I assume I always will, but they are good and part of healing. God promises to make good from bad, even though it's not always a easy road to the good, He has made good on that promise with me. He has never left me, and He is always ready to meet me wherever I am at in this journey of Life and His grace is full of unspeakable peace and healing to my soul.
kissing the toad
no prince
The Great Escape
4 comments:
Hey there, thanks for sharing yourself and this journey with us, we've been thinking about you and keep praying for you. Remember today that there are lots of us all over the place who are missing Luke with you and love you and your kids lots!
I had to contain myself from bursting into tears after reading your post. I'm at work, so crying wouldn't be a good thing. Loved reading your thoughts even though we chatted today. I love you! Thanks for sharing. P.S. I saw a guy on a "bike" today and totally reminded me of Luke. I smiled and it was like God put that guy there for a reason--a glimpse of Luke enjoying the golden streets of heaven...on a bike :).
Thanks for sharing Angie. Its been a growing experience for all of us and we are all glad to hear about your new experience and growth within yourself.
Everytime I pass your La Villita house I just wanna stop in a say hi. For me its been a huge struggle living so close to where you guys used to be. Altogether it has given me such a huge inspiration in my life to be like the guy that Luke was. I always think of the positive and never the negative, I always say ya no problem rather then I can't, or ya lets hang out rather then I am too tired, because thats what I remember about Luke, a positive influence no matter the situation. I hardly heard him say "this sucks" or "no dont invite him he is no fun". I have come to realize that really changes how people view and accept you and also that Luke was such a better friend then what I had realized while he was here with us.
Your "new" life is also uplifting to hear about. Take care and keep the blogs coming.
I SO LOVE YOU! Thank you for sharing. I miss you. Sven and I were just talking and reflecting about how we'd be sitting home trying to decide what we were having for dinner and how -- just when we'd given up -- you guys would call and say, "Come over for dinner!"
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